last night I was at a dinner party that included within its number, an 10 year old girl

while a few of the adults (I’m not an adult) were preparing dinner, we children sat and talked (and occasionally flicked water at each other) around the kitchen table

in a lull in the conversation I saw that the fruit bowl had a flippin’ MASSIVE lemon in it, so I picked it up and said

“That is a MASSIVE lemon.”, my voice filled with awe

and the 10 year old girl looked at it and broadly agreed with that conclusion, then, she picked up another lemon and said

“This is a less massive lemon.”

I added, “But still pretty big!”, she nodded. 

Then I picked up an apple and said very seriously, as if reporting a crime, “This apple is smaller than both those lemons.”

She started laughing and picked up an avocado and said that it was a middle ranged fruit, smaller than those MASSIVE lemons but bigger than the apples.

Then we got out every fruit in the basket, for some reason finding this extremely funny, and placed them in descending order of size across the kitchen table. This one particular apple was deemed to be the smallest, and so we both went into the kitchen, and walked up to the guy who owned the house (the kid’s grandpa) and told him

“This is the smallest item of fruit you own.” and handed it to him

then burst out in hysterical laughing and I don’t know why we did this or why it was funny but it was really funny and we kept on looking over at the fruit bowl (we had to put everything back) during the meal and almost choking on our food.  

I dreamt I owned a green tree frog called Albert who I kept in a tupperware container filled with jelly

I want to be all things at once and it hurts my skin and throat sometimes but other times it makes the air flow easy into my lungs and my arms swing and fists clench and woop! because maybe I am all things

I don’t know a lot of things because I’m too curious to commit to knowing things, because I am an unstructured, possibly lazy thinker, because of the Internet, because there’s so much to catch up on, because I prefer to play video games I don’t enjoy, because I don’t know what I want out of life, because sometimes I have too much pride to learn, because I am learning enough, a lot, every day, even though I’m not sure what exactly it is I’m learning

It’s an experiment to see how unselfconscious I can be

oh god all I want is fresh bread and to eat it until I have to sip some tea (earl grey) and then eat more bread and then sip tea again and clear my throat, then dive into the ocean and clasp the sand at the bottom in my hands

I bite my nails, still, and I love people terribly and easily and I connect to films more than anything else in the world except for sometimes still moments by myself in trees and grass and natural light, heart pumping what I need
and I forget I can get angry until it happens and my life is entirely my own and my life is not my own and all I am doing is trying to keep from going numb and I am trying

(via takeawalkpigeon)

(via journalofanobody)

(via journalofanobody)